Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Sad and angry

It makes me enormously sad to know that I care more for some of the children in my classroom than their own parents do. Maybe, in some cases, it is not that I care more, but differently. That's fine, but in some other cases I think I really do care more for them.

How can you send your child to school without changing her diaper in the morning when she woke up?

How can you send her to school with a mini skirt that has been stitched up to make it even shorter?

How can you send him in and ask the teacher to monitor his temperature all day because the child has not been feeling well?

Why am I the only one who cleans the crust of his face?

These things worry, enrage and sadden me. I guess I can't understand because I am not a parent yet. Sometimes I wonder if I am expending all of my caring capacity in caring for other people's children. Sometimes I worry about the students when they go home for the weekend or a school vacation. What if their next teacher doesn't care as much? And other times, I am just angry. I try so hard not to be. I try to look at the situation from the point of view of the parents. I try but sometimes I fail.

When I am all emotional like this, I also get confused. Are my emotions and care for the students impeding my ability to teach them? Or is it the opposite, that my care and concern for them ignites the passion to teach them and teach them well? I don't know. I do know that I am tired. Tired of feeling as if I am caring more for them, even if it is not true.

Kudos to the OTHER parents. The parents who work hard and set good examples for their children. The parents who communicate regularly with school and advocate on their child's behalf. The parents who nurture their children and provide for their basic needs. Kudos to them, I know they are out there!

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